“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 8:15)

Strange as it may seem,...

“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect”. (Romans 12:2)

In the case of those who have been...

I have noticed that many people in this world tend to have a very “transactional” view of relationships and communication.  Simply speaking, this refers to the tendency to see others as a means to an end, in order to get something we want or need.   The...

I was rather tempted to call this chapter “Freedom from guilt and shame”, as these two words are often coupled interchangeably.  However, my research into this has shown me that these are two, very different concepts.  This quote from Marcus Brigstocke (British comedian, actor...

It can be a real struggle to shake off the mindset of demoralizing others or judging, according to our views and beliefs. After all, that’s what we were taught to do.  Maybe we still have the habit of gossiping about others, which is one of the most toxic characteristics of cultish...

When any human being faces deep, emotional or psychological pain, the urge to run from it, to suppress it and “move on” is very great.  Rather than being overcome by the waves of distress and anguish, many choose to find a distraction, a relief, an escape route.   This is...

Being in a highly controlling religious sect stripped me of my voice.  I learned to keep my opinions to myself, to remain quiet, and to toe the line.  I knew that any indication of disagreement or derivation from the accepted norms would set me apart as a subversive person, an...

Why is it that on repeated occasions, Jesus warned people to “Watch out for false prophets”?He wanted to us to know that: “They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” (Matthew 7:15)

Some might respond: Who are these wolves? ...

Many modern religious groups claim to have the “truth” and despise or punish all those who do not agree with their particular rules or Biblical interpretations.  These groups give great importance to formalities and appearances, criticizing the way people dress, shave or cut their...

It has been said that human beings are essentially tribal; built to live in close-knit communities.  Sadly, most “developed” societies have become so individualistic that we no longer know how to live alongside each other in a meaningful way.  Many people join cults and...

After years or even decades of languishing in a highly controlling religious group, ex-cult survivors are finally able to express themselves freely and investigate whatever they choose.

This can also mean that they can be fairly fiery.  They say what’s on their mind and don’t hold...

Nowadays, very few people would bring up this topic at a dinner party or social gathering.  Believing in the Bible has become something of a taboo, in non-religious environments.  If you were to stand up and say it publicly, many people would immediately assume that you’re some kind...

Anger is a very natural human emotion.  The Bible doesn’t condemn it, but rather warns us: “In your anger do not sin”(Ephesians 4:26a).  Another translation reads: “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” (NLT).

But what happens if it does control...

I’ve been realizing lately how many cults and fundamentalist religious groups undermine scientific, analytical thought.  Many of them teach that the world was created in 6 literal days, or a period of 6,000 years, making the dinosaurs and archaeology in general  rather embarrassing...

Cults are fuelled by fear, shame and secrecy. Members are taught to set their sights on a future existence on a paradise earth or in heaven, and forced to give up all hopes of true joy or fulfilment in this life.  They must resign themselves to boredom, drudgery and self-discipline, which is...

Sometimes, when I share my blog posts (particularly this one), I receive comments that I find heartbreaking, such as “I’ve tried praying, but I can’t feel God’s presence or sense He is answering… I don’t know what I’m doing wrong… I’ve given...

The concept of “stumbling” your fellow Christian is not something many sermons or talks tend to discuss.  If it is mentioned at all, it’s usually in the context of not drinking alcohol in front of others with a dependency problem, or something similar.

In fact, very few people...

One of the most common ways in which people are psychologically traumatized whilst in a cult or religious high control group, is the extreme pressure to “forgive” people who have abused them.  I use the word “forgive” in quotes, because the concept often goes way beyond...

Where do you find yourself able to be fully self-expressed, fully YOU and also practice your faith and religious beliefs? What makes this possible?

Where do you find yourself feeling “held back” or “reserved” from being fully self-expressed in your faith communities, beliefs,...

It is unusual for pastors to speak out with compassion on the subject of spiritual abuse.  More often than not, church leaders and members prefer to defend their own denomination fiercely, unable to hear the cries of those who have been wounded by it.  This book will be an invaluable tool...

Human beings are essentially tribal; built to live in close-knit communities.  Sadly, most “developed” societies have become so individualistic that we no longer know how to live alongside each other in a meaningful way.  Many people join cults and fundamentalist groups in...

One of the most painful things about waking up from a spiritually abusive group is the sensation that you’ve wasted so much of your life.  All the sacrifices: maybe you weren’t allowed to follow your dreams, get an education, travel, get married or have a family.  Maybe you...

I was born and brought up in the Church of England, which is part of the Anglican/Episcopalian Communion. My father, a man of great intelligence, love and integrity,  was an Anglican priest. Once I became a Christian at age 15, I would love to sit with him for hours, talking about all the...